Birthdays Past and Future

Every year I have little to celebrate.  It has always been a milestone to remember the horrendous year that has passed, with little hope for the future.  I have always tried to stay optimistic that my life would get better and I would find a little happiness in my life.  Each year my birthday would signify the success of this and until now, it has always been negative. 

Being 35 has certainly been stressful and had an equal mix of highs and lows.  In the first hour of my 36th year, I look forward with a smile, knowing for the first time that good things are happening.  I have great friends who I can rely on.  A beautiful new home for the boys and I.  My children are doing great and the outlook for them is very positive.  I have no clue where I shall be volunteering my time this year, but I do know that I will not be treated with little respect anymore. 

My mental health is still not great but it is stable enough and I have developed great coping techniques and a very supportive network to enable me to function well.  I still have much that I would like to achieve but today is the start of the year I have been waiting for, for a very very long time… the start of my future… the optimism of what I could achieve… the promise of great things to come for myself and the family…  a life where the only thing holding me back is myself.  

I don’t need anyone to wish me ‘Happy Birthday’ because I am going to achieve what I want and deserve.  This year has been in the planning for a long time.  All the lows that I have endured, have given me the strength to fight and reach this point, where life is waiting for me to seize it and be the person that I have always been but only in the shadows.  This year is my year to shine and show the world that adversity is not a barrier but a mere hurdle to overcome and empower you to succeed in every aspect of life. 

Life is cruel and it can be beyond hard but the strongest never stop trying and with every day that passes, your dreams get nearer to reality.   ‘Can’t’ is not a word that I understand, I hear ‘can’t’ and I think ‘Yes, I bloody can’.  There is only one thing stopping any of us from having the life we want and that is our own self belief and if you don’t believe in yourself, then it will never happen. 

I have had a very tumultuous year, this has set me up for my 36th year… the one that I have been waiting for.  So instead of hearing birthday wishes, I am sending out a ‘Thank You’  to all those that have been a part of my life and given me the strength when I have needed it, in some cases I would not be here without their time and effort.  You guys never gave up on me and dragged me through life, at points kicking and screaming.  The person I am today is because of what you guys have done and enabled me to do…. Thank You xxx


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